Names - A Special Announcement

FROM Alexei Sayle's Great Bus Journeys of the World, by Alexei Sayle and David Stafford.

N.B. Younger readers might not be familiar with some of the names mentioned here. This is why God gave us Google.

It has come to my notice that names are not shared out equally. For instance, while Paul Simon has two first names, Harrison Ford has two second names.

While Jean-Paul Sartre, Hugh Trevor Roper and Lesley Anne Down all have two first names and one second name, Nancy Banks-Smith, Sammy Davis Junior and Andrew Lloyd Webber all have one first name and two second names.

Norman St. John Stevas has two first names, a second name and a St..

Sting and Sade have only one name each.

And Meryl Streep hasn't got anything that anybody in their right mind would call a name at all.

The law should immediately be changed so that everybody has two names each - one first name and one second name.

Thus, people with two first names will pool their names, and those with two second names will share the results. Paul Simon will become Paul Harrison, and Harrison Ford will become Simon Ford.

Jean-Paul Sartre will be known (on memorials and so on) Paul Sartre, Lesley Ann Down as Ann Down, Hugh Trevor Roper as Trevor Roper, Nancy Banks-Smith as Nancy Smith, Sammy Davis Junior as Sammy Junior, Andrew Lloyd Webber as Andrew Webber and Norman St. John Stevas as Norman Stevas. This will create a surplus of names from which names falling short of total requirements can be completed.

Thus, Sting will take over the Jean left from Paul Sartre to become Jean Sting, Sade can have the Banks left over from Nancy Smith to become Sade Banks, and Meryl Streep can become Hugh Davis.

Thus will leave enought names to make a complete new person - Lesley Lloyd, and yet another St. John.

Thank you for your attention.

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